My life summed up by Taylor Swift, “I never trust a narcissist, but they love me.” I think Tay-Tay and I have a lot in common. Narcissists – they love us. We hear the word narcissist/narcissism tossed around, but what does it really mean? According to the Mayo Clinic website, a narcissistic personality disorder “is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. You might say to yourself, well how many narcissists are actually out there? I don’t know, but I’ve gone out with enough of them to have my second ‘N’ of my NO dating list: Narcissist.
Here’s the thing with narcissist, they’re really good sellers. They can be extremely charming love bombers who are everything you think you want and think you need. They shower you with love, affection and adoration in the beginning. They seem too good to be true, because they are too good to be true! Then things start to change and you realize that it’s all about them. They start criticizing you for not giving them enough attention and often remind you how amazing they are – sometimes they joke about it, but they’re serious friends. They are all about themselves to an extent that seems laughable. If you’re in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, you may even find yourself staying as you to try to get back to those feelings of the early days. Pack your bags and run! Those early days were all a game to ‘get you’ and those days were never real.
Narcissist love one person more than anyone else, themselves. The sad aspect of this person is that the narcissism is deeply rooted in low self-esteem and shame. Some narcissistic behavior is easy to spot- the more covert behavior can be a bit tricky. I grabbed this list from Heathline about ‘covert’ narcissist to help you spot it easier.
· Sensitivity to criticism.
· Passive aggression.
· Self-criticism.
· Shyness.
· Fantasies.
· Other mental health issues.
· Long-held grudges.
· Envy.
· Feelings of inadequacy
· Self-serving empathy
So maybe you’re thinking, that narcissists must be attracted to weak people that they can manipulate? Wrong. From Insider.com they are attracted to strong and intelligent people, as well as successful. They like a strong person who can take care of them and like to be seen with someone successful as part of their bragging rights.
So here’s the thing for me, whether someone is a clinical narcissist or just has these traits I have added Narcissist to my NO date rule. Negativity, narcissism – the first two N’s out of my 3 N’s NOT to date. Why, besides the obvious? Dating a ‘narcissist’ means constantly feeling less than, being neglected emotionally and feeling like you’re the ‘crazy’ person. If you want to feel badly about yourself and feel like a failure, date a narcissist. Unfortunately, in the dating world these days, one date with a narcissist is hard to avoid. You don’t know the person and you agree to a drink or dinner, only to see these red flags. You know it, you feel it and you CANNOT say yes to a second date. One date isn’t dating- it’s a meeting. You met a narcissist and now you choose not to date them. In the past year I’ve gone out with a lot of men who only talk about themselves. Most were also negative about others (narcissistic trait) so I feel fairly comfortable saying NO thank you to those second dates. The one thing I wish I could say is it’s not me, it truly is you. Then again, the narcissist wouldn’t believe it anyway.
Xoxo
**3rd ‘N’ is on it’s way…. Any guesses??**
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