Stop Saying Anti-Aging

It hit me recently how insulting anti-aging sounds. As women we are inundated with different products all aimed at stopping, reversing and eliminating aging. As I went through my plethora of bathroom beauty products, I was staggered by the number of anti-aging lotions, potions, and serums. No wonder women feel like we've been put out to pasture as we age!

Society says aging is bad and we must do whatever we can to stop it. In fact, the bigger issue is not just that aging is negative, but that younger is better and the ideal to strive towards for women of all ages.

I would love to say that since this realization I've thrown out every beauty product that says anti-aging or promotes it. That would be a big, fat lie. It would also gloss over the fact that I've had Botox done a couple weeks ago and happily injected my '11's' and deep lines with said poison to stop them from narcing on my age. In the past I've tried to tell myself that this is the last time I would do Botox. Another lie, because as soon as I see a picture where my 11's make me look like 'Angry Bird,' I text and book my appointment.

We say things like, "he/she looks good for their age" and "aging gracefully". When I dive deep into those comments I wonder what are we really saying? It sounds like the assumption is first and foremost that aging is negative and we build our comments from there.

The reality is that yes, aging is tough. It's deeply sobering and humbling to realize that bending over to pick up something can result in an injured back. I'm also not thrilled that I now have a pill box and it's not just because I travel often.

I met my husband a few years ago, shortly after my 50th birthday. I physically felt so good at that point that I boasted to him how lucky he was to have met me at this age in my life. Yes, I had worked through a lot of my emotional baggage, but I was also working out on a regular basis and was overall healthy. I even told him something like my wheels were tightly screwed on this bus! Fast forward a few months and he's sitting next to my hospital bed and says, "So this is the best, huh?". It's become an ongoing running joke, because that surgery was just the first wheel that popped off the proverbial bus.

My hubby at my hospital bed shortly after we met - lucky man

These little reality checks happen to all of us, that's why I love the women who proudly share their own honest experiences with aging. By sharing these glimpses into what aging as women look like, these women also have the opportunity to reshape the conversation around aging. Supermodel Paulina Porivkova is one of my favorite people to follow on social media because of how candidly she shares her life. From sharing her hip replacement surgery scars, to posting a sexy photo in her bed (that her boyfriend took!), to posting an unfiltered picture at the hair stylist and talking about coloring her gray hair gray, it's these glimpses of life that help every woman who reads them.

Another favorite of mine to follow is Chelsea Handler. Yes, she makes me laugh, but it's her honesty and compassion that captivate me. She went through a mid-life relationship and break-up with humor, honesty and grace and kept showing up with love. Then most recently she celebrated turning 50 by skiing down the side of a mountain in a sexy red bikini! Every one of these posts was another faucet of aging and the hard fought wisdom it took to get there.

Although our creams and serums say anti-aging, it doesn't mean we have to buy into the fear. And isn't that exactly what anti-aging's main message really is, fear? Fear of loose skin, fear of lost vitality, fear of being undesirable, fear of wrinkles and maybe the biggest fear, fear of being unseen. Fear is such a crippling emotion and one that I believe drives the anti-aging industry at it's core. The opposite of fear is courage, boldness and confidence. That to me is the goal and gift of aging.

We are the generation of women fed up with being told aging is negative and something to be feared. We are speaking up about feeling like crap during menopause, we are growing our hair out, even after the age of 50 (so scandalous!), and we will wear that bikini if we want to. We are the generation of women who will define how the next generation sees and feels about aging as we are figuring it out ourselves.

I recently flew to be with my father during his quadruple bypass surgery. The reality of aging parents will be another blog, but my reality of aging is this - we are lucky if we get to age. We are also fortunate to be aging in a time where the medical breakthroughs are happening on a daily basis. Simply put, aging is a gift. It may not always be 'pretty' or easy, but it's a gift all the same.

Watching my 75 year old father take his first steps after open heart surgery was a reminder to embrace every day, every year and every single moment. I realize that I am blessed to have my parents aging, and I am also fortunate to be aging. Being the healthiest version of myself is my ultimate goal, not anti-aging which is just an unachievable lie. However you choose to age, I hope you are able to do it your way. You do you. xox

My Dad and me this past Fall